i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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