I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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