I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
