fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
