Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
FUCK WHALES
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
