Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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