what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
