does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
