i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
