i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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