I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
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On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach