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I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
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