The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
not ubering you a puppy
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.