if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?