Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
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I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.