In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
