how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
