You really coming over, don't trick.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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