How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize