My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize