i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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