DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
