I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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