Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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