final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
