Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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