Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
