Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
