Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
