I'm so fucking centered right now
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.