Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How does one acquire holy water?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.