listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
