He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
