I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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