You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
