just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
