Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
