There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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