She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
