I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
