she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
