wakey wakey hands off snakey
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
