I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
