His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
