There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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