My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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