I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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