just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
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I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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