My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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