she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
