you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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