I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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