What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
