all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
