this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
