i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
