I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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