Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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