Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
