How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
