Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
