i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
