Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
whose ass print is on the piano?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
