So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
