ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
