Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
