Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I hate all girls vehemently.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
