im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
