y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
