Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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