you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
