The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's the barista slut.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
why is half of my head shaved?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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