Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize